Famous statements - For men!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings....'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humor.

Men never listen, do they?

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament. " Sir", she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.

A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. He was immediately knocked out by an excruciating pain.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your testicles are now in this jar, sir."

MEN NEVER LISTEN, DO THEY?

-Anonymous

母親- 真不是人幹的

可以給你老公看,以後你也可以跟你兒子這麼說 ......

曾在廣播裡听到 ,當孩子頂嘴甚至步入叛逆期時的因應之道做媽媽的總是嘮叨 ,有一次已經高中的兒子不耐煩的頂撞了母親 , 母親氣得半死。

做父親的便約兒子一起出門散步。兩人走了好久 , 父親一路上不發一語 , 兒子納悶。 一直到要進家門口時 , 父親拍拍兒子的肩膀, 以男人對男人的語氣說 :
『等一下進去時 , 給我女人一點面子 !』
兒子驚讶於老爸用哥兒們的語氣對他說話 ,並因男人跟男人之間的義氣 , 從此對母親畢恭畢敬的。 所以 , 有的時候 , 父親這個角色還是頗重要的 !

當我的小孩頂撞我時,我想告訴他,下列的事任選一樣, 做到後, 才有頂撞的權利:
1. 連續3 個月每吃完一餐就須催吐 (孕吐)
2. 乳頭被別人吸到破皮達一個月 (餵奶)
3. 肚子塞一顆籃球達 10 個月 ( 懷孕)
4. 接受皮鞭抽打達 48 小時 (生小孩)
5. 10 個月不能喝冰水、咖啡、茶
6. 5個月睡覺不能翻身
7. 10 個月不能出遊遠行,不能跑跳
8. 10個月不能生病,要不,生病不能吃藥
9. 至育嬰室把屎把尿一個月
10. 晚上睡覺每二個小時起床一次,清醒30 分鐘達一個月

寫完上述10 項我覺得當娘的真不是人幹的。
想起一個高中同學他說:有一次頂撞母親,父親把他從椅子上踹下來,斥責他:
你媽是我捧在手心的寶,我呵護她, 照顧她, 對她輕聲細語, 你憑什麼對他大小聲!
我的同學再也不敢頂撞母親了。

好感動,尤其是最後一句是經典。
男人們, 如果你們真的愛、疼你老婆(女朋友)記得這句話就夠了!
老婆是拿來疼的, 所以千錯萬錯都是自己的錯, 不服氣嗎？ 誰叫你當初追人家。
當媽的如果听到老公這麼說, 應該會很高興吧! 男人要學著點......

-Anonymous

October 2008 Adsense Performance

October 2008 was not a good month for my Adsense performance. The page impressions, clicks and earnings were dropped significantly. The page impressions have further declined to below 1300 impressions.

The reasons of the poor performance could be due to the global financial meltdown that scared businesses to maintain high budget in on-line marketing such as Google Adword.

Month-to-month performance review:
Page Impressions (October 2008 vs. September 2008): -11.28%
Earnings (2008 vs. September 2008): -54.10%

Milk and Melamine

I received this forwarded mail from one of my ex-colleague. Initially I thought this might be another forwarded email with bad intention, but I do know that the said company did engaged packaging contractor to erase the printed expiry date of the milk powder and re-print with a new expiry date.

Besides, after Melamine scandal in China as well as researches that debate that milk create more harm than goods and stuff like that, it is time for human kind to reconsider if we shall blindly follow the saying of the milk manufacturers marketing ads that cry that 'Milk is essential food'.

Read also:

Ways to eliminate cancer

Even though the Health Ministry of Malaysia announced that the Fonterra Brands are safe, and they are using New Zealand or Australia milk ingredient, but I really doubt it.

The tainted milk powder scandal in China started with the Sanlu Company. Fonterra ( the New Zealand Company which owns Anlene brand ) holds 43% stock of Sanlu Company ! I suspect all the milk ingredient of Fonterra brands sold in China ( or perhaps in South East Asia ) actually come from China !

Fonterra, being a reputable New Zealand diary company should be blamed for the scandal ! If they are really a responsible company, then how come they only discovered this issue so late ! It is suspected Sanlu Company started adding Melamine ( the deadly chemical ) into the milk powder from 2005 !!! Fonterra has 3 top executives in the Board of Directors of Sanlu Company, they should have known the first-hand news much earlier, at least more than a year ago !!! How come they did not take stern and corrective action to stop this from happening. They just put 100% blame on the Chinese company.

In China , the Anlene milk container has label that reads " 100% milk powder imported from New Zealand ". In actual fact, they have been using the China local milk source. Fonterra has been charging expensive price to Chinese consumers and portray their company as a reputable foreign brand. After the tainted milk powder scandal in China , all the Anlene and other Fonterra brands have been recalled and taken off from supermarket shelves. I can't find any of them in any supermarkets and pharmacies that I used to buy this brand from.

Better think twice and be sure that the Anlene and Fernleaf brands sold in Malaysia are 100% safe!

黑白老鼠

有一個人在森林中漫遊的時候，
突然遇見了一隻飢餓的老虎，
老虎大吼一聲就撲了上來。
他立刻用生平最大的力氣和最快的速度逃開，
但是老虎緊追不捨，
他一直跑一直跑一直跑，
最後被老虎逼入了斷崖邊上。
站在懸崖邊上，他想：
「與其被老虎捉到，活活被咬、肢解，
還不如跳入懸崖，說不定還有一線生機。」
他縱身跳入懸崖，
非常幸運的卡在一棵樹上，
那是長在斷崖邊的梅樹， 樹上結滿了梅子。
正在慶幸的時候，
他聽到斷崖深處傳來巨大的吼聲，
往崖底望去，原來有一只兇猛的獅子正抬頭看著他，
獅子的聲音使他心顫， 但轉念一想：
「獅子與老虎是相同的猛獸，被甚麼吃掉，都是一樣的。」
當他一放下心， 又聽見了一陣聲音，
仔細一看，一黑一白的兩隻老鼠，
正用力地咬著梅樹的樹幹。
他先是一陣驚慌， 立刻又放心了，
他想：「被老鼠咬斷樹幹跌死，總比被獅子咬好。」
情緒平復下來後， 他感到肚子有點餓，
看到梅子長得正好， 就採了一些吃起來。
他覺得一輩子從沒吃過那麼好吃的梅子，
找到一個三角形樹丫休息， 他想著：
「既然遲早都要死，不如在死前好好睡上一覺吧！」
他在樹上沉沉的睡去了。 睡醒之後，
他發現黑白老鼠不見了，
老虎、獅子也不見了。 他順著樹枝，
小心翼翼的攀上懸崖， 終於脫離險境。
原來就在他睡著的時候，
飢餓的老虎按捺不住， 終於大吼一聲，
跳下懸崖。 黑白老鼠聽到老虎的吼聲，
驚慌逃走了。
跳下懸崖的老虎與崖下的獅子展開激烈的打鬥，
雙雙負傷逃走了。 由我們誕生那一刻開始，
苦難．就像飢餓的老虎一直追趕著我們，
死亡，就像一頭兇猛的獅子，
一直在懸崖的盡頭等待，
白天和黑夜的交替，就像黑白老鼠，
不停地正用力咬著我們暫時棲身的生活之樹，
總有一天我們會落入獅子的口中。
既然知道了生命中最壞的情景是死亡，唯一的路，
就是安然地享受樹上甜美的果子，
然後安心地睡覺，
只有存著這樣單純的心、少慾望、多一點赤子之心。
最近常常聽到朋友的親友去世的消息，
除了安慰了幾句外好像什麼都不能做了
恐怕有一天自己亦會成為別人口中的壞消息
所以你們有沒有好好的享受你在世上的每一分每一秒?
如果剛才你和另一半或是和家人為了芝麻綠豆的事鬧翻了，現在頭頂還在生煙的話，請你看看那晴朗的天空和那飄渺的白雲，其實你又錯過了美好的一天呀 !
有些朋友雖然不常聯絡，卻偶爾寄個E-mail、也許是一些笑話、溫馨小品，或是小遊戲給你，這表示他一直在關心著你，他將你放在心裡，也珍惜彼此的友誼。
因此，要時時心存好意！
腳走好路！身行好事，惜緣種福........
願所有收到這封信的朋友都能 平安．健康．幸福．

Do not accept business card from strangers

A man came over and offered his services as a painter to a female putting gas in her car and left his card. She said no, but accepted his card out of kindness and got in the car. The man then got into a car driven by another man. As the lady left the service station, she saw the men following her out of the station at the same time. Almost immediately, she started to feel dizzy and could not catch her breath. She tried to open the window and realized that the odour was on her hand; the same hand which accepted the card from the man at the gas station.

She then noticed the men were immediately behind her and she felt she needed to do something at that moment. She drove into the first driveway and began to honk her horn repeatedly to ask for help. The men drove away but the lady still felt pretty bad for several minutes after she could finally catch her breath. Apparently, there was a substance on the card that could have seriously injured her.

This drug is called 'Burundanga' and it is used by people who wish to incapacitate a victim in order to steal from or take advantage of them.

This drug is four times more dangerous than the date rape drug and is transferable on simple cards. So take heed and make sure you don't accept cards from strangers at any given time. This applies to those making house calls and slipping you a card when they offer their services.

Dog's life, working life

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth.

He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."

The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth.. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.

So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.

It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and tops the guy.

"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."

Moral of the story
You may continue to exceed onlookers expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.
It's a dog's life after all......

-Anonymous